Photo taken during the Solar Eclipse, 20th March, 2015
Wow! I do not know if it is because we are in the midst of Eclipse Season but I am feeling everything really intensely lately; the good, the bad and the ugly, or so they are called. I have found it is best for me to think of what I feel, think and experience in terms of alignment, non-alignment, resistance and acceptance rather than in terms of good and bad.
At the conclusion of the New Moon Solar Eclipse last week I felt very calm. After a couple of weeks of super intense energy building up it was a welcome relief, but yesterday everything become intense for me again. I feel it is resistance to what needs to be processed and resistance to what is in alignment, but because of old scars, all feels like too much to embrace in some moments!!! From what I have read and heard from others, there is more of the same out there for many, even if we are feeling it on different days.
At the New Moon seeds are planted for the New Lunar Cycle and beyond. This most recent New Moon was a total eclipse and proceeded the Equinox, a powerful time when light and dark, night and day, are experienced as equal on Earth.
As the Moon moved into its Crescent Phase, New Moon post-eclipse calm subsided as what was released at New Moon arose to challenge the old, "in a more or less intense struggle." (Dane Rudhyar, "The Lunation Cycle," 1967) My experience has been a more intense struggle this Lunar Cycle. It is not so much an outer struggle but an inner one.
Since the New Moon Eclipse I have been thinking about WHAT I DID FOR LOVE. Many years ago I went through a very challenging time and what pulled me through was my belief in my purpose for being on Earth; to serve no matter how painful the experience for me personally, because I loved this planet and everyone on it. Since then I have come to appreciate that my purpose is more about being all that I am; Here; NOW! I feel that is everybody's purpose. We need only be who we are, we need only do what brings us fulfillment and peace and/or joy. When we are fulfilled, present and embodying all we are, we are Sacred Pagodas, as a matter of course. Sacred Pagodas hold space for others, simply by being. No self-sacrificing pain required.
Instead of feeling fulfilled I have felt drained through giving away parts of myself without acknowledgement from those receiving them, or even awareness, let alone gratitude, or so it sometimes has felt. By the same token I have probably taken something in return, without acknowledgement, or gratitude, or awareness. I am truly deeply sorry.
In the last blog I wrote about tough love, the importance of ending martyrdom and the need to be needed, and drawing on and anchoring our own truth through connection with our personal body of experience. The last few days as I have tried to release old patterns I have been brought face to face with old hurts and scars, ancient hurts and scars. I thought I had processed them but here they are again. Perhaps you can relate.
The belief systems coming up to be reviewed/released now, in order for the New to take root and sprout, were established on foundations lined with these hurts and scars still operating within our beings on some level. The belief systems are not necessarily "wrong." They may just need to be re-potted, or weeded rather than ripped out, but in order for the next step to be clear the old hurts and scars must be processed first. As the words to the song in the link above say, "stitch myself and we do it again," but we do not want to do it again if it means stitching ourselves up. If there is something worth repeating we need to be free and fulfilled simultaneously.
Any intense struggle now, internally or externally, is so we can consciously choose to nurture the viable and potentially life-fulfilling shoots at First Quarter Moon, which we seeded at New Moon, in the soil we are making fertile through our processing and healing or releasing of our hurts and scars at the Crescent Moon. The First Quarter Moon begins at 6:42 am UT/GMT, Friday 27th March. I am writing this blog entry during the Crescent Moon Phase. At the very least we need to become consciously aware of what is still hurting within us so that we may work through it in the perfect moment, whenever that may be experienced. In the perfect moment, when we offer no resistance, miracles happen.
I was asked yesterday what was going on with me? My answer went something like this: "I am resisting feeling my intense feelings. Resisting is bringing up the past. The past has some hurts I don't want to re-live. I am all shook up. Thanks for asking." In truth it was a perfect moment and that conversation helped me appreciate that if I just allow myself to feel intensely, without trying to control anything, without resisting anything, a miracle would happen. It kind of did. A little energetic treasure and personal breakthrough. I brought in a little bit more of myself. Today I am sitting with the awareness of my little shift. My way of dealing with a few things going on around me has shifted. I can feel the waves of change this creates and I'm standing strong in it for a change, really anchoring it rather than being swept away by the resistance of others.
As we move into First Quarter Moon Phase, what do we want to nurture into maturity? What needs to be released or healed? It can be a battering process but the creations that will take root and grow deeper roots and reach for the sky are worth rising to the challenge. They will support our new foundations. We will become unshakable in our truth, no matter what is flung at us, consciously or unconsciously. When we start to anchor beside each other, together in our personal truths, we create bridges or foundations that cannot be eroded, like these trees in Avebury, England, pictured below. Perched on a mound, the roots of these trees prevent the Earth beneath them from eroding. This further elevates them as the gullies either side of them deepen with weathering.
Lay it down first
That puzzle piece that's you
Squeezing into spaces left
Is an unwise thing to do
As valuable as anything
That piece uniquely you
So lay down your piece first
To yourself you should be true
Click to read the rest of Lay It Down First.
Onward we go. Our choice lies in what we take with us and what we choose not to take into the new, but remember, what no longer serves us will become increasingly difficult to hold onto, and what we resist embracing about ourselves will persist until we own it.
Our path will continue to narrow in terms of alignment and grow more intense in terms of vibrancy and frequency - eventually there is only room for our truth anchored within our own being. The wonderful and perhaps miraculous thing is that when we embody this, there is "space" beyond anything we could have imagined.
I am reminded of Patrick Swayze's line in Dirty Dancing, "Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame."
No more spaghetti arms. No more taking what isn't ours or giving away parts of ourselves. Time to hold the frame. Let's dance. LOVE!!!